Thank you to all who came last Saturday to celebrate with us Steven's life and homegoing. Thank you for your love and support and awesome comments, both on the blog and at the service. Your prayers are much appreciated. After the IL service, we will put some of the things from the celebration service on the blog.

This is my 1st day without anyone else here. And yes, to all who are asking, I am doing fine. I'm starting to sleep a little more (my body had to slowly get used to more than 4 hours), appetite is back, doing good. I'm enjoying the quiet and tackling a long list of "need to do asap". While figuring what to do about this and that and the next, Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind: "I know the plans I have for you..." It is so reassuring to know that God still has every step of my future planned out.

Around 33 years ago, God planned a week of downpours in Sarasota, FL so we couldn't spend our vacation time on the beach. Browsing through the Christian bookstore, I found "Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman" by Ann Ortlund. I took it back to the motel, read it while the rain continued to pour outside, and was thrilled to find that God was not only my Saviour (I had given my life to Him years before) but that He also wanted a personal relationship with me - a relationship that could be built by spending one-on-one time with Him in His Word.

After we returned home, spending time with my Bible, notebook, and pen became part of my middle-of-the-night routine (after I had fed the latest sweet addition to the Sauder family - John). As my relationship with the Lord grew, Steven noticed how the Lord was changing me, and he decided to start having a personal time with the Lord, also. His routine was a little different than mine. He would pray, read a short passage of Scripture (starting at the beginning of a specific book of the Bible and continuing on through that book), and then He would write a letter to God concerning that passage of Scripture. As he grew in understanding the Word of God and applying that Word to his life, he gradually became an even better husband, father, physician, and employer. He began to learn to know God and gained more insight into the desires of God's heart for Steven and our family.

My Bible reading yesterday included Genesis 18:19, where God speaks about Abraham, "...for I have known him, so that that he may teach and command his children and the sons of his home after him to keep the way of the Lord and to do what is just and righteous..."

After beginning to learn to know God himself, Steven wanted the same thing for his children. So...after each of our children committed his or her life to the Lord, Steven's next goal became to teach that child how to cultivate a personal relationship with the Lord. He would do that by teaching them, daily alone with each child, to hear what God was saying personally to them through his Word.

In the coming days and weeks and months, I would like to share some of Steven's own journal entries with you - his "letters to God" - so that you can see a bit of the journey God took Steven on, a journey that has now ended before the throne room, face to face with this awesome God of the ages.

Jenny, John, and I have spent the day reading through a trunk full of journals that Steven wrote through the years during his times alone with the Lord, both before and after the collision. It totally amazes me how God was preparing him for what was coming. And it so humbles me to see how spiritually deep his thoughts were even after the brain injury. I will be sharing some of those journal entries in the coming weeks.

Again, the first service will be this coming Saturday at Bethel Mennonite Church, off of Fruitville Rd. east of the interstate, at 2:00pm. If you are able, please come celebrate Steven's homegoing with us.

Some of you have been asking where to send memorials. If you so desire, memorials may be made to Engineering Ministries Int. on behalf of John Sauder, in order to bring the same hope that Steven knew to the people of East Africa. (See www.facebook.com/SaudersInAfrica) Checks may be made to EMI, with a note that it is for staff # 2053, and may be sent to 130 East Kiowa St., Colorado Springs, CO 80903.

Forty-four years ago, Steven and I were both attending the same college. He was tutoring me in chemistry, since most in my college class were starting with at least a couple more years of chemistry than I had. I was bubbling over with the wonder of being a fairly new Christian, and Steven was sick to death of me talking about Jesus. On the way over to meet me for a tutoring session, he decided it was the last time we were going to get together. This crazy chick could go her own way and take her preaching along with her.

God, however, had other ideas. Close to midnight that night, Steven found himself on a 3-hr drive home to tell his parents that he had chosen to put his faith in Jesus as the Christ, the Son of God, come to earth to live and die a cruel death in punishment for Steven's sin and to rise victorious over the grave and over Satan forever.

Thus began the journey of faith that culminated on May 9, 2011, at 1:45am, in actually seeing face to face this God Whom he had grown to know so well and love so deeply for so many years.

Part of my Bible reading a couple days ago was: "For whatever is born of God is victorious over the world; and this is the victory that conquers the world, even our faith." 1 John 5:4 Amplified Bible

Through these 17+ years since Steven's severe traumatic brain injury, this faith conquered the overwhelming darkness and filled him with a spirit of praise.

Celebration Services

Correction for 5/13 blog, concerning IL services

The second service will be on Saturday, July 9th, 10:00 am @ Eureka Bible Church, 1451 Church Rd., Eureka, IL. Go one mile north of town on Main Street and turn right on Church Rd.

Celebration Services

We have decided to set the date of celebration service for Steven for Saturday, May 21 at 2:00pm. (Waiting a week and a half will make it easier for our daughter and granddaughter currently in LA at the science competition.) Since our church, Grace Covenant, rents a facility that will be in use on Saturdays, Bethel Mennonite Church has graciously consented to allowing us to use their facilities off of Fruitville Rd. east of the interstate at 2985 Bethel Lane, Sarasota, FL. (I will give more specific directions later.) If you are able, please come! Dress is anything from very casual (jeans) to very dressy (suit and tie), so come however you feel comfortable. Bright clothes or black. Your presence is what matters.

We are also going to have an additional service in Illinois in July, since we have so many precious friends, relatives, former staff and patients, and business associates there. The IL service will be at our former church, Eureka Bible, in Eureka, IL. We should have that date finalized by tomorrow, and I will post that info online.

I have moments, naturally, of missing Steven terribly, but generally I am so very, very thankful that God has taken him home. This is what he has longed for and looked forward to for so many years. Heaven was very real to him while he was here, and now it IS absolute reality for him. HE IS SEEING GOD FACE TO FACE! Isn't that just totally awesome??

This morning around 1:45a.m., God called Steven Home.

Yesterday morning, when he was a somewhat responsive to me, I read him several Psalms, and then Isaiah 35 fell open. I cried all the while we read it together. Portions follow:

"...strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;
say to those with fearful hearts,
Be strong, do not fear, your God will come...
Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
Then will the lame leap like a deer,
and the mute tongue shout for joy...
And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness.
But only the redeemed will walk there,
and the ransomed of the Lord will return.
They will enter Zion with singing,
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away."

I will post again when we have arrangements made. Thank you so very much for your love and prayers through this journey. God is good.

Quick post to let you know the hospice nurse was here around 2:00pm today and said Steven's homegoing may be today, definitely not more than 72 hours. Steven is ready and excited to meet the Lord. Thank you for your continuing prayers. This is a tough time.

Questions

Steven slept 21 hours, divided up by 1 hour awake around midnight. After he awakened around noon today, Amy and I sang softly to him, showed him pictures of bygone years, read him the blog comments, and brought in friends and grandchildren for very short visits. He wasn't really responding, except for possibly blinking a couple times to indicate preferences when he first woke up. The lack of communication makes it extremely difficult to know his needs - is he hot, cold, thirsty, wanting to be turned, in pain, wanting us to shut up???? Too much light, not enough light, can he see, is he awake, is he in a coma????? This has to be a difficult, confusing, dark time for him - traveling those last few steps until he steps over the threshhold into eternity.

It is so comforting to remember that in the darkness of his coma almost 18 years ago, God was there, repeating over and over and over, "Steven, I love you. Steven, I love you." (See "Our Journey" on this blog) What is Steven seeing and hearing today???

"Eye has not seen nor ear heard what the Father has prepared for those who love Him."

Steven slept 13 continuous hours yesterday afternoon and night. It's now 11:00pm, and he's been sleeping since 2:00pm. Last night I counted 25 seconds between some of his breathing. I questioned going to bed myself at all, but then remembered that someone had commented that I did not need to be beside him constantly - God has his bed surrounded by angels to help him through this tough time. "Are not the angels all ministering spirits sent out in the service of those who are to inherit salvation?" Hebrews 1:14 Amplified Version

Closer Home

Yesterday and today Steven has taken some definite steps closer to Home. We think he has had another stroke. He's been in a Parkinson's "spell" much of today because he is no longer able to take meds by mouth. We increased the morphine, and now he is sleeping. Hopefully that increase will stop the spells. Since today will be the 2nd day without food or meds, we're possibly looking at around a week or so (only God truly knows) till his struggle is over.

It has been a long struggle for him (18 years this fall) since the brain injury. It's hard to realize that soon we will actually be at the end of his journey. Already, lots of little things have changed - like my grocery list (lots less fruit!), removing the wheelchair and lift from his room and replacing it with his orchids, and taking apart his bookholder that he used for his Bible, prayer list, and favorite books.

Our son John is going to leave Uganda tomorrow to come home for a couple weeks (www.facebook.com/SaudersinAfrica). Amy is here in Parrish, FL. Barb will be coming soon from IL. Jenny needs to fly with our oldest granddaughter Rachel to LA for Rachel to compete nationally with her science research, so Jen will be be coming after that. What a blessing children are!

Thank you all so very much for your prayers, comments, visits, and love. We'll keep updating.

We've pretty much determined that Steven has developed an allergy to heparin, which we've been using to flush the med line. I think that is what caused the massive swelling/sores last week, the extreme pain a few days ago, and the pain we again could not stop yesterday, even with continual morphine. So...we'll flush it with a saline solution instead, per doctor's ok.

We're trying (with Steven's ok) staying in bed and stopping the yogurt and meds (with the exception of morphine and dry-up drops). All of these measures will help with the secretions and choking, make him more comfortable, and lessen the suffering. Stopping the food completely will also hasten his body shutting down. Please pray for wisdom for both Steven and us in this his final journey. Thank you all so much for your prayers.

1 John 4:6 talks about learning to know God. The Amplified Version of the Bible explains learning to know God as...
progressively to perceive, recognize, and understand God

• by observation (study the Word to observe Who God is)


• and experience (life, suffering - feel the peace of His presence, listen to His voice, etc)

and to get an ever-clearer knowledge of Him...

• His majesty, power, love, goodness, and holiness


• His desires


• His plan for the ages

Unitalicized own additions

The suffering that our heavenly Father has allowed in our lives has been an enabler in learning to know, love, and trust Him. This last leg of the journey is no exception.

We are home with Steven. He's in pain (has been before we left the hospice house), especially his right hand, which is somewhat swollen. I talked to the hospice home nurse a bit ago, and we're all somewhat confused as to what is going on. Steven isn't communicating very well, so we're struggling to figure this out. Appreciate your prayers.

No pneumonia yet

Surprisingly, the doctor just said no pneumonia yet and possibility of going home tomorrow (with Hospice nurse visits)! He slept 13 hrs, temp is just low-grade, still lots of secretations. It certainly is an up and down situation. Thankfully God has it all under control. Thank you all so much for your continuing prayers and love.

Yesterday evening Steven was in alot of pain (chest, arms). 20mg of morphine per hr barely managed it, but after 3 doses, he finally went to sleep and slept all night with occasional choking. His breathing was a little different early this morn, but now he's sleeping peacefully. We'll see what the doctor says today.

Our Scripture reading yesterday was totally appropriate (naturally): Ps. 94:12, 13, 17-19, 22. "In the multitude of my [anxious] thoughts within me, your comforts cheer and delight my soul." vs 19.

My spiritual food this morning: 1 Jo 4:22-24
Watchfully obey His orders and [habitually] practise what is pleasing to Him
His orders...
(1)Believe in (put our faith and trust in, adhere to, rely on) the name of His Son Jesus Christ
(2)Love one another, just as He has commanded us
The result...
Receive from Him whatever we ask (because we will be asking what His will is)

Interesting. It's so simple - believe...love. Yet, I was thinking, obedience to these 2 commands wipes out a multitude of sins: worry, fear, lack of faith, emotional outbursts, unkind words, impatience, stealing, murder, and on and on. GOD IS SO WISE!

We can trust His wisdom for today.

Scripture quotes from Amplified Version

A new page

I added a new page to the blog that tells more about my parents' journey for the past 18 years.  It is taken from something they wrote about 5 years ago.  To view the page, click the tab at the top of this page titled "Our Journey".  Thank you so much for all your encouraging comments on this blog, and most of all, for praying.  Although this past week has been an emotional rollercoaster, we have felt the hand of God supporting us through this time. 

Challenges

Dr. was in and heard crackling in his lungs, so could indicate pneumonia starting up. He's eating more (6 yogurt, jello, and chocolate ice cream), but the increased eating definitely causes increased secretions - which he chokes on. Very unlikely that we will go home tomorrow.

We are so blessed to be in this place. It is peaceful, quiet, lovely. Thank you for your continued prayers.