I've been reading the story of Joseph being sold as a slave into Egypt by his brothers, suffering in prison, becoming ruler under Pharoah, and then (as ruler over all Egypt) seeing his brothers again after 22 years. In the brothers' great distress, Joseph says to them, "And now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to reserve life." Genesis 37-45
Almost 18 years ago, I was driving when we had a collision that caused my husband Steven (a physician with a busy practice, an elder in the church, and a loving husband and father) to become severely brain injured and in need of full-time care and assistance for the rest of his life. Details of the collision are sketchy, but we think it was probably my fault.
Just as Joseph's brothers could eventually see how God had taken something so bad (Joseph's brothers' actions and Joseph's subsequent situation) and used it for His (God's) glory and the good of all Joseph's family, we can look back at Steven's life and get a glimpse of so many ways that God used the agony of Steven's brain injury for His glory and for the good of our family and many others. In God's perfect plan, it was not an accident: rather, it was a major turning point in a wonderfully orchestrated lifetime full of purpose and radiating God's wisdom.
This vision God has given us (only a tiny glimpse of the whole part of God's purposes in the brain injury) could be broken down into five parts:
1. God changing us
2. God using Steven to minister
3. God displaying His power and love
4. God drawing others to Himself
5. God pouring out love through His saints
1. GOD CHANGING US - changing Steven and myself into more of His image......
Changing us through growth in trust/faith
You've read in our brochure how God (in the early stages of the brain injury) brought Steven through the anger and deep depression of so much loss by taking him to the book of Job in the Bible. You've also read how God continually told Steven, "I love you, Steven" during the comma. Throughout these years of brain injury experience, God was expanding Steven's image of Himself, growing Steven's faith and trust in and love for His Lord. This whole process picked up speed during the last few years of Steven's life. As the originally rejuvenated neurons gradually died out, disabilities daily increased, and Steven's body gradually headed back into a coma, Steven's peace and joy in His Lord grew in the opposite direction. Typical "Steven" speech (eventually painstakingly pointed out letter by letter on the alphabet chart or finally indicated by just a blink of his eye) became "God has it all under control", "love forgives", "anger doesn't do any good; it's just a waste", "never give up", "persevere", "God is so good", "great job", "God knows what He's doing", "God has a purpose for this". I'm not as far advanced as Steven in the area of my speech, but I'm different than I was.
Another area of faith He grew me in had to do with worry. Because I HAD to, I learned to not worry about what was ahead. I was so thankful God had already taught me this (in the earlier years of Steven's brain injury) when we came to the time of Dr. Siegel saying, "The originally rejuvenated neurons are dying out and things will very rapidly get extremely bad." Worrying about repercussions from decisions I had made was harder for me to learn; God is still working on me with this.
God changing us through learning the sacrifice of praise
When I first brought Steven home, he was dealing with the loss of what seemed to be everything he knew - his health, his practice, his self-image, his dependence, his purpose, even his sight (for an extended period after eye surgery). In addition, we were struggling with various situations with selling Steven's practice. Of the 3 different doctors that we started negotiations with, one lied to us, the 2nd had other problems, and on the day the third was supposed to sign the contract, a family tragedy sent them back to Oregon permanently. Coupled with extensive injury to the area of the brain that controls emotions, all these things brought Steven to a suicidal state for a period of time. At times, I would shut Steven's door not knowing if he would be alive or dead when I'd come back in. And here is where God led me to another totally awesome thing: the sacrifice of praise. Completely devastated, I would go to the piano and force myself to start playing a song about heaven and, after awhile, crying, I'd start singing along. Then I'd progress to a praise song (or 2 or 3 or 4). And God would fill me with such a beautiful peace! Eventually, praising God in tough situations started to become habit and joy, rather than sacrifice, both for Steven and myself. Every single night before bed for many years, Steven desired to sing praise songs, and his two most favorite were: "God Is So Good" and "We Are So Blessed", which leads into the next change...
Changing us through teaching us to always look for the blessings
I've already shared with you how I watched Tammi Leman keep a journal of things to be thankful for each day when her small son Tyler had cancer. And I've shared how it became habit for both Steven and me to look for the blessings in each day, consistently. For example, when Steven lost the ability to sit up and had to get a "high end" wheelchair to hold him up, instead of griping, he name the wheelchair "The Blessing". Looking for the blessings on a continual basis is hard if you aren't content. So I think God teaching us contentment irregardless of the day's situation was another huge part of this lesson.
Changing us through teaching us to listen to the Holy Spirit unceasingly
During the last few years of Steven's life, sleep ofttimes became almost nonexistent. The only way I could stand by that bed night after night - exhausted - and speak in a gentle, loving voice was by totally leaning on the Holy Spirit: getting in the habit of constantly talking with the Lord, listening for His guidance before speaking, learning to ask Him for help BEFORE I got into a situation. I still have a long ways to go in this, but by the time that God called Steven home, both of us were light years ahead of where we started out.
Changing us through teaching us to have a "Heavenly Mindset"
Nothing makes heaven more real than years of continual suffering. Eventually, the reality that Jesus may return any moment superseded the reality of day to day living. Material things, dreams and desires for this world, normal things that people get all concerned with - could not compare to the reality of heaven coming at any moment! I think that almost daily, one of us would say to the other, "Maybe today - maybe today we'll see Him coming in the clouds! Maybe today we'll rise up to meet Him in the air!" We'd look at the beauty of the ever-changing sky and think about Jesus bursting out in majesty and brilliance (that only the redeemed could see), calling us UP.
All of these "changes" in Steven and me (and additional changes in our children) may not seem so important in the scheme of things here on earth. But in God's perspective of eternal values, they are priceless - valued beyond measure - and often only achieved through extreme, ongoing suffering and struggling. Ephesians 1:17-19
Thank you, Lord, for loving us enough to change us, little by little, into your image.
