Gifts

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights. James 1:17

JESUS is by far the perfect gift.
May you be filled with His peace this Christmas season.

In this season of gift-giving in honor of God's gift to us, I am reminded of two (out of many) gifts that He gave to Steven and me. One of those gifts is the ability to communicate that he blessed Steven with for so many years. Life is SO MUCH better with communication. Quote from brochure: We were told that he would never talk again because of extensive injury to the left temporal, parietal, and frontal lobes of the brain. However, God had different plans. I was at home the day the doctor first "capped" his trachea. I got a call from his nurse saying, "Somebody wants to talk to you." Then a voice came on the line saying, in just barely understandable words, "Hi Honey. I love you. Toward the end of Steven's life, he lost that communication ability again. But for the majority if the 18 years of his injury, it was there. Thank You, Lord!

Another gift of love from the Lord blew us away with the awesome interweaving of His plans.... Quite a number of years before the collision, while on vacation in Sarasota, FL, we attended a little church that was meeting in a school. Many years later, after Steven was injured and after moving to FL, we decided to try out that same church (probably one if several hundred churches in Sarasota), which had now become a church of thousands of members with its own building.

There were many adult Sunday School classes listed in the foyer to choose from, but God pointed us in the direction of a particular class taught by Truman Good. We walked into the class and introduced ourselves as Steven and Vicki Sauder. The class members stared at us kind of open-mouthed for a bit, and we wondered for a few moments if we'd gotten our clothes on backwards (or something like that). However, the class quickly proceeded to ask us if we were from IL and had been in a car collision a few years before and had a daughter going to Moody Bible Institute. Eventually we all realized that, "yes," we were the couple from thousands of miles away that the class had never personally met but had been praying for the last three years!

Apparently, Truman's son, Treavor, attended Moody Bible Institute in IL with our daughter Amy. Treavor had asked his dad to please have the class pray for a friend's parents who had been in a horrible accident and were badly injured.

Truman's class faithfully prayed, having received periodic updates from Trevor but not realizing that we were moving to Sarasota. What a joy it was for them to see the answer to their prayers unexpectedly walk through that Sunday school door and for God to allow us to see a tiny glimpse of the team of prayer warriors He had faithfully and lovingly assembled for us around the world.

Needless to say, all of us experience the undeserved grace of many gifts of love from our all-powerful God, who calmly moves mountains to care for His children's needs. The gifts are as many-sided and diverse as we can imagine - relational, financial, physical, emotional, and on and on. For some of the moving, He may activate prayers of saints whom we are totally unaware of. And of course, the greatest mountain of all - and the greatest gift of love ever given - was the mountain of sin that He removed for each of us, hanging alone on an old rugged cross. Thank you, precious Lord. Thank you.

God Displaying His Power and Love

I have been sharing with you the many ways that God used the agony of Steven's brain injury for God's glory and our good, including some of the ways He prepared us before (Godstops) and a number of ways that He used the brain injury in the sanctification process of Steven and me. In this journey of brain injury, He also blessed us with many "mini-miracles" and gifts of love, so that we and the people we came into contact with might see the power and love of God displayed in our ordinary day-to-day lives. One of the most precious of those ways is the miracle of Steven talking, which you can read about by going to the "Our Journey" tab at the top of the page on this blogspot.

Another gift of love had to do with the selling of our home in IL after Steven's brain injury. We had traveled to FL for my sister's wedding, found that Steven's muscle tone did much better in the FL climate, and consequently had bought a home in FL. We went back to IL to spruce up our home there for a couple weeks - painting, replacing carpeting, etc. - and had a professional appraisal done. The appraisal came out exactly $20,000.00 less than we had just paid for our FL home. This was a great disappointment to us, since we had paid off our IL home after many ears of studious monthly payments and had financially planned on not having a mortgage payment in FL. Nevertheless, we put our IL home on the market "by owner" and advertised an open house. God brought lots of people to the open house, and He put such a desire in a number of their hearts for that specific home that they were willing to bid the price up. The final bid arrived at was the exact same price that we had paid for our FL home, to the penny! The buyers were a wonderful Christian family with whom we are still friends today.

Meanwhile, we had closed Steven's practice and were getting ready to put a "for lease" sign up for the vacant space, not sure how long that part of the building would have to sit empty. God, however, had other ideas. He sent an unprecedented "tip" our way that one of the area hospitals was looking for office space in Washington for a group of their doctors. Within a short amount of time, a 5-year lease was signed.

Theses are just 2 of the many, many testimonials we could give about God's power and love displayed in our lives. Thank you, precious Lord. Thank you.

Grandson

I'm sorry I haven't posted for a long time. I was in IL for a quite awhile because my grandson Joshua (age 7) was in the hospital. His blood platelet count was down to 3000 (life-threatening - supposed to be 200,000 to 400,000). After 2 other therapies did not work, they started chemotherapy. The 4th chemo treatment brought the platelet count up to 130,000, thankfully. Joshua is now restricted to his home, with a protective helmet, but things are definitely looking up.

Joshua is our "miracle baby". He was in intensive care for 8 mo. after birth, and just started to walk and talk about a year ago. But he loves books and reads like a trooper - right side up or upside down, take your choice. (I tried it upside down and was a whole lot slower than Joshua!)

For those who have been praying for Joshua - thank you!

God's Purpose: Part 1 - God Changing Us

I've been reading the story of Joseph being sold as a slave into Egypt by his brothers, suffering in prison, becoming ruler under Pharoah, and then (as ruler over all Egypt) seeing his brothers again after 22 years. In the brothers' great distress, Joseph says to them, "And now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to reserve life." Genesis 37-45

Almost 18 years ago, I was driving when we had a collision that caused my husband Steven (a physician with a busy practice, an elder in the church, and a loving husband and father) to become severely brain injured and in need of full-time care and assistance for the rest of his life. Details of the collision are sketchy, but we think it was probably my fault.

Just as Joseph's brothers could eventually see how God had taken something so bad (Joseph's brothers' actions and Joseph's subsequent situation) and used it for His (God's) glory and the good of all Joseph's family, we can look back at Steven's life and get a glimpse of so many ways that God used the agony of Steven's brain injury for His glory and for the good of our family and many others. In God's perfect plan, it was not an accident: rather, it was a major turning point in a wonderfully orchestrated lifetime full of purpose and radiating God's wisdom.

This vision God has given us (only a tiny glimpse of the whole part of God's purposes in the brain injury) could be broken down into five parts:
1. God changing us
2. God using Steven to minister
3. God displaying His power and love
4. God drawing others to Himself
5. God pouring out love through His saints

1. GOD CHANGING US - changing Steven and myself into more of His image......

Changing us through growth in trust/faith
You've read in our brochure how God (in the early stages of the brain injury) brought Steven through the anger and deep depression of so much loss by taking him to the book of Job in the Bible. You've also read how God continually told Steven, "I love you, Steven" during the comma. Throughout these years of brain injury experience, God was expanding Steven's image of Himself, growing Steven's faith and trust in and love for His Lord. This whole process picked up speed during the last few years of Steven's life. As the originally rejuvenated neurons gradually died out, disabilities daily increased, and Steven's body gradually headed back into a coma, Steven's peace and joy in His Lord grew in the opposite direction. Typical "Steven" speech (eventually painstakingly pointed out letter by letter on the alphabet chart or finally indicated by just a blink of his eye) became "God has it all under control", "love forgives", "anger doesn't do any good; it's just a waste", "never give up", "persevere", "God is so good", "great job", "God knows what He's doing", "God has a purpose for this". I'm not as far advanced as Steven in the area of my speech, but I'm different than I was.

Another area of faith He grew me in had to do with worry. Because I HAD to, I learned to not worry about what was ahead. I was so thankful God had already taught me this (in the earlier years of Steven's brain injury) when we came to the time of Dr. Siegel saying, "The originally rejuvenated neurons are dying out and things will very rapidly get extremely bad." Worrying about repercussions from decisions I had made was harder for me to learn; God is still working on me with this.

God changing us through learning the sacrifice of praise
When I first brought Steven home, he was dealing with the loss of what seemed to be everything he knew - his health, his practice, his self-image, his dependence, his purpose, even his sight (for an extended period after eye surgery). In addition, we were struggling with various situations with selling Steven's practice. Of the 3 different doctors that we started negotiations with, one lied to us, the 2nd had other problems, and on the day the third was supposed to sign the contract, a family tragedy sent them back to Oregon permanently. Coupled with extensive injury to the area of the brain that controls emotions, all these things brought Steven to a suicidal state for a period of time. At times, I would shut Steven's door not knowing if he would be alive or dead when I'd come back in. And here is where God led me to another totally awesome thing: the sacrifice of praise. Completely devastated, I would go to the piano and force myself to start playing a song about heaven and, after awhile, crying, I'd start singing along. Then I'd progress to a praise song (or 2 or 3 or 4). And God would fill me with such a beautiful peace! Eventually, praising God in tough situations started to become habit and joy, rather than sacrifice, both for Steven and myself. Every single night before bed for many years, Steven desired to sing praise songs, and his two most favorite were: "God Is So Good" and "We Are So Blessed", which leads into the next change...

Changing us through teaching us to always look for the blessings
I've already shared with you how I watched Tammi Leman keep a journal of things to be thankful for each day when her small son Tyler had cancer. And I've shared how it became habit for both Steven and me to look for the blessings in each day, consistently. For example, when Steven lost the ability to sit up and had to get a "high end" wheelchair to hold him up, instead of griping, he name the wheelchair "The Blessing". Looking for the blessings on a continual basis is hard if you aren't content. So I think God teaching us contentment irregardless of the day's situation was another huge part of this lesson.

Changing us through teaching us to listen to the Holy Spirit unceasingly
During the last few years of Steven's life, sleep ofttimes became almost nonexistent. The only way I could stand by that bed night after night - exhausted - and speak in a gentle, loving voice was by totally leaning on the Holy Spirit: getting in the habit of constantly talking with the Lord, listening for His guidance before speaking, learning to ask Him for help BEFORE I got into a situation. I still have a long ways to go in this, but by the time that God called Steven home, both of us were light years ahead of where we started out.

Changing us through teaching us to have a "Heavenly Mindset"
Nothing makes heaven more real than years of continual suffering. Eventually, the reality that Jesus may return any moment superseded the reality of day to day living. Material things, dreams and desires for this world, normal things that people get all concerned with - could not compare to the reality of heaven coming at any moment! I think that almost daily, one of us would say to the other, "Maybe today - maybe today we'll see Him coming in the clouds! Maybe today we'll rise up to meet Him in the air!" We'd look at the beauty of the ever-changing sky and think about Jesus bursting out in majesty and brilliance (that only the redeemed could see), calling us UP.

All of these "changes" in Steven and me (and additional changes in our children) may not seem so important in the scheme of things here on earth. But in God's perspective of eternal values, they are priceless - valued beyond measure - and often only achieved through extreme, ongoing suffering and struggling. Ephesians 1:17-19

Thank you, Lord, for loving us enough to change us, little by little, into your image.

God's Interweaving

I've hesitated to add another post since Jenny added the slideshow, since I didn't want to make the slideshow post difficult to find.

Following is a journal entry of Steven's from July 5, 1997 (4 years after the collision)...

John 9:30 "It is finished"
Lord-
You knew that You must first complete the work that God had laid out for you before You went home. You waited until the work was completely done and then, at that point, You went home. Lord, I must do the same thing. I must wait until my true work for You is done, and then - not before - I will go home. Lord, I thank You that my home is waiting for me - it is secure.
In Jesus
Amen

Steven's work here on earth is now, in a sense, finished. Yet still today God continues to weave lives and situations together with the threads of Steven's suffering, extending the work of his perfect plan for Steven's life. An example of that was in the selling of our disability rampvan.

Our son-in-law, Tim Crowe, got an e-mail at work stating how another co-worker, Bert, was looking for a disability van for his disabled stepdaughter, Rachael. Tim instantly responded, Bert called me, and the next day I picked up Nancy (Rachael's mom) to show her the van. Nancy and I immediately related because of the similarity of our situations. Nancy's daughter Rachael, a lovely 22-year-old about to graduate from Bible College, was severely brain injured from an accidental electrocution. Rachael struggles with all and more of everything that Steven dealt with. She has very severe tone causing an almost total inability to move and extreme communication problems (See Rachael's webpage at lovetorachael.org).

Nancy ultimately bought the van and drove it home. But God had more in mind than just selling the van. It was such a blessing for us to be able to share with each other - and continue to share over the coming days - a sharing that I am sure will continue on.

Today my daughter Amy (Tim's wife) told me that one of the women in a sunday school class she attended (in a new church) shared how watching Steven's slide show on our blogspot had helped her. Another man in the class spoke up about how a different blogspot had been such a benefit to him. He told the story of two former Christian school teachers whose daughter was severely brain injured by electrocution.

Yes, it was the same family that we sold the van to.

God's weaving of the threads of our life goes on - both in our lifetime - and beyond our lifetime - for the praise of His glory.

Celebration service slideshow

Godstops

I just finished readying our Toyota Sienna Rampvan to sell. One by one, changes are being made to prepare for this new life God has laid out for me.

Seventeen-plus years ago, Steven and I were starting another new life - that of dealing with severe traumatic brain injury. Looking back over the years previous to that time, I am amazed and humbled at how God so lovingly prepared us for what lay ahead.

For example......

1. Growing-up years
God gave me a beautiful picture of Himself through my earthly father, who daily showed unusual forgiveness, unconditional love, and grace, even in very trying, difficult situations. Consequently, faith and trust in my heavenly Father's plans, in spite of the brain injury, actually came naturally at the time of the collision.

2. Summer 1967
The above paragraph would still not have been possible had not God allowed me to become deathly sick, during which time I stopped fighting God and gave my life to Him. This brought about a "relationship" with God. Years later, I could lay all the fears and struggles and trials of the brain injury at God's feet, and He could comfort and guide me into the next steps through His Word and His Holy Spirit within me.

3. Fall 1967
God used my mom's insistence on wanting a "doctor" in the family to push me into entering National College of Chiropractic, where Steven tutored me for an advanced chemistry class that I was unprepared for. Being a new Christian, I couldn't be quiet about God, much to Steven's dismay. On the night that Steven had finally had enough and was going to tell me to "get lost forever", God had other plans, and Steven instead committed his life to Christ. This started his own "relationship" with Christ, which became the bedrock of his ability to eventually cope with the brain injury.

4. 1978
God opened up an opportunity to sell Steven's first office building and buy a commercial building that was already set up with other tenants plus empty space for Steven's practice. Later, when Steven had to close the practice because of the brain injury, that commercial building became our primary means of support. Some of those same original tenants are still with us today.

5. Shortly before our son John's birth in 1977 (Vicki 27, Steven 30)
God caused it to pour down rain the whole week of our FL vacation, and, consequently, we spent time wandering in a Christian bookstore. I found "Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman" - which I promptly read. This book started me on daily alone times with the Lord - reading His Word and listening to, writing down, and praying about whatever the Holy Spirit was speaking specifically to me through His Word. Shortly thereafter, Steven, seeing the difference this made in my life, began a daily time of reading a short section of God's Word followed by a daily letter to God about that section of Scripture as pertaining to his life. This daily time of reading His Word and listening to and talking to the Lord was the foundation that has enabled us to persevere with the brain injury and beyond. Studying the Word so intently also enabled us to have a clear understanding of Biblical doctrine, which helped prevent belief in Satan's lies after the brain injury. In addition, seeing us make that a daily priority presented a good picture to our children, who also consequently gave their lives to the Lord and began their own daily times with Him. Our children's faith has tempered their reactions to the brain injury and enabled them, throughout the years of brain injury, to lift us up and encourage us.

6. While the children were growing up
God taught me, through allowing a few things into our lives that were a bit tough, to get into the habit of going to the piano and singing a praise song when I was discouraged or upset or sad. That specific habit made all the difference in the world in dealing with consequences of the brain injury throughout the years. For example, one of the areas Steven was damaged in was the frontal lobe (dealing with emotions), and until we found correct medications and those injured pathways started reconnecting, Steven was very suicidal. I specifically remember going to the piano and first singing songs about heaven (with many tears) and then progressing to praise songs, not knowing whether Steven would still be alive when I got done playing. Eventually, God healed those pathways, and Steven, too, developed the habit of praise - the deeper the trouble, the greater the praise.

7. After our daughters graduated from high school
God moved our daughter Jenny to attend Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, IL, and then each of our other daughters followed in her steps. When Jenny graduated, she married another Moody graduate, Rob Rounds, for whom God provided a job as youth pastor in a Chicago suburb. After Steven and I were injured in central IL, Steven's medical team chose to move him (while still in a coma) to the Rehabilitation Institute ofChicago, considered to be one of the best rehab haspitals in the U.S. I couldn't visit Steven for a long while because of my own injuries, but Jen was in a Chicago suburb, and Amy and Barb were both within walking distance of the hospital. No coincidence.

8. December 1992
Our daughter Jenny was married, and God moved Steven, when he "gave Jenny away" during the wedding, to speak for 5 or 10 minutes on Hebrews 12:1-3 (much to the dismay of other fathers with soon-to-be-bride daughters, because then they had to follow Steven's example!). During that year, Steven also started preparing a sermon to give at Eureka Bible Church, on the same Scripture. That Scripture settled deep into Steven's mind and was one of the major tools that God used to encourage Steven to persevere in the brain injury. For many years, up until the day of his death, he asked me to repeat that Scripture to him every single night before he went to sleep. His admonition to almost everyone he to "persevere" or "never give up" became his trademark (along with "Jesus loves you!").

9. Spring &/or summer 1993
God allowed Tammy Leman's toddler, Tyler, to become very ill with cancer. I was with Tammy for a bit at All Children's Hospital in Chicago and saw how God had moved Tammy to constantly look for and write down things to be thankful for. As soon as I was able after the accident, I started my own ongoing list of "things to be thankful for today". It eventually became habit for both of us, totally affecting our outlook on life with a brain injury.

10. All during Steven's coma experience, September 23, 1993 - January or February 1994
God told Steven, over and over, without stopping, day and night, "Steven, I love you. Steven, I love you. Steven, I love you." God knew Steven would question "why", and He knew beyond a doubt that Steven fully needed to understand His love to be able to begin to trust God's purpose and trust His provision for each day.

Isn't God good????

Illinois

One week ago today, we held a 2nd memorial service for Steven in IL. Everyone there was so very kind. Many old and dear friendships were renewed. It was a very meaningful service, including the following:

• Special music: God Is So Good - a song Steven chose to sing almost every night as part of several songs we would sing together nightly before bed. Another big favorite was I Am So Blessed.


• An audio of Steven singing Great Is Thy Faithfulness. (He could sing after he lost his ability to talk because a different area of the brain controls singing than talking.)


• Great congregational worship in song


• Our daughters and son sharing memories of "Dad"


• A slide show, including both before and after the brain injury, with Steven's journal entries included in the slide show (Jenny will be adding the slide show to this blogspot next week)


• A congregational sharing time of how God had used Steven in their lives


• A very inspiring message by Andy Pflederer, our pastor at the time of the collision, whom Steven worked with as an elder of the church (Andy subsequently went to Albania as a missionary but is now teaching at Moody Bible Institute)


• An audio of Steven (before the collision) at my daughter's wedding, speaking on Hebrews 12:1-4, the same verses he asked me to repeat every night for the past years

The service was held in Eureka, IL, a quaint, hilly town (full of lovely cottage gardens), where Ronald Regan went to college, so we saw part of the Berlin wall. My family and I toured all of our old homesteads in the area, so the grandchildren could see where their parents grew up and the spouses could get a better feel for who Steven was before the brain injury. We also spent quite a bit of time at the commercial property in Washington, IL that I still own and manage (sight-unseen for many years). We have been blessed with two wonderful tenants - Associates in Dentistry and Edward Jones - that have been with us ever since we bought the building 33 years ago. Purchasing the building to obtain a larger place for Steven's clinic in 1978 was undoubtedly part of God's preparation for us to go through these years of brain injury; it has been our means of support these past 17 1/2 years. Isn't it awesome how God had that all planned out? The space that used to be Steven's clinic is now taken up by a driving academy and also a great restaurant called "Maria's". We kept going back to try more of the gourmet, made-from-scratch entries. Our daughter-in-law from Africa was especially thankful for the gluten-free choices.

All-in-all, it was a somewhat painful but yet very good time, helping to bring closure to a life well-lived here. Knowing beyond a doubt that Steven is living such an awesome life now with the King of Kings brings such peace.

I'll leave you with Steven's special verses in Hebrews...
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverence the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

I will not be posting for a couple weeks after this, because we will be flying to IL for a 2nd memorial service for Steven on 7/9/11 at 10:00am at Eureka Bible Church, Eureka, IL.

Part of my Bible reading this morning was 1 Peter 1:9:
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, God's own purchased special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues of Him Who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. Amplified Bible

God did so many "wonderful deeds" in Steven's brain injury, deeds guided by His unbelievable love for us and by His desire to see us become everything that He created us to become. Some of those "deeds" were the awesome ways He prepared Steven and me beforehand. Some were things that God did in others' lives through Steven's brain injury and subsequent life. A major part of those "deeds" were changes God so wisely and graciously made in my life and Steven's life.

One change was precipitated by seeing (shortly before the collision) our friend Tammie Leman keeping a daily journal of "things to be thankful for" during the time her small son, Tyler, was undergoing treatment for cancer. I still have the resulting "thank you, Lord" lists that I started after the 9/26/93 collision, as soon as I was able to write. Here are a few things pulled at random from that list....

1st week of hospital stay
1. Nurses and staff marvelous! I love them all!!
2. Beautiful room, w/ extra bed for my sister Diane to lay down and rest
3. Church coordinating thousands of things!
4. Sunset

10/5/93
1. Steven breathing on his own a little!
2. Man talked to Andy, hears how God has held us up, gives life to the Lord!
3. God continually giving me perfect peace, assurance, joy, even in the midst of deep sorrow, in spite of circumstances, including Steven's situation and the prospect of a lawsuit. What a miracle!

10/7/93
1. I'm probably going home from the hospital tomorrow! Progressing well....Learned steps with crutches! Thank you, Lord.
2. Steven progressed to stage 2 of the coma!
3. Steven going to the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago - the best in the country!

As the years have gone by, God has caused us to make it more and more a "habit" to "look for the blessings". For example, in the last few years of Steven's life, the originally rejuvinated brain neurons began to die out, causing him to eventually lose all function on his right side (in addition to the function already lost on his left side). Instead of focusing on the increasing disability, Steven named his new "high end" wheelchair "The Blessing" and thanked the Lord numerous times for providing a lift to move him from the bed to "The Blessing".

Would Steven and I have come to this point without the "mercy" from God of the brain injury? Doubtful.

WAS IT WORTH IT?

I'll let Steven answer that, with an article he wrote to other brain injury survivors in More Than Survivors, Vol. 9, No. 2, February 1998 (reprinted with permission).....

Brothers and sisters in Christ,
Can we today look at a verse in the Bible and think about it? Open your Bible to 1Thess. 5 and turn to verse 18. When we turn to this verse, the first idea we see is "be thankful" or "give thanks", depending on your translation. I have walked the same path as you; I have a brain injury. It is simpler for me to be thankful for other things -- but my brain injury --that is hard. But God, who knows everything, knows this is hard. That's why He says, "Always be thankful", no matter what. Does He include a brain injury in that? YES. Why? Because the rest of the verse says that "this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." We may not be able to see "why it happened," but we do know "who walks with us every day." And the Lord, who knows the "why", says, "Be thankful". It is hard, but Romans 6:4b [NLT] says, "Now we also may live new lives." There was a time in my life when I wouldn't have thanked God for the brain injury, but how I have grown in Him since! Now when He says, "Be thankful," I (we all) do! Because we are new!
In Jesus

Church Family Blessings

The correct time of the July 9 memorial service at Eureka Bible Church, Eureka, IL is 10:00 a.m. I posted the time wrong on the 5/13 blog.

At the time of the collision (Sept., 1993), we were living in IL. Our church family there at Eureka Bible Church gathered around and provided awesome support, from 1993 until we moved to FL in 1996. They mowed our yard, brought tons of food, loaned our children a car so they could visit Steven, helped me buy a new car, helped print and mail out 1000's of letters to patients, cleaned the house, and took care of me after I was able to go home from the hospital. Eureka Bible people helped maintain the commercial building (and lot) where Steven had his practise and where we had other commercial renters, and, when we decided to close the practise a year later, they helped us sell, give away, or dispose of all the medical equipment. They finished a new septic system that we had started before the collision, gave us money to help cover expenses and college tuitions costs for 2 daughters, and drove me up to Chicago numerous times to visit Steven after he was transferred there. After I was well enough to temporarily move up to Chicago, they helped move us, visited (often), called, and took care of our house. Our pastor, Andy, moved our high school age son into the basement apartment of his own home while we were in Chicago. They moved us back from Chicago, and, when we were ready to move to FL, Eureka Bible people helped us paint and fix up our IL house in preparation for sale and assisted us in packing up. They always encouraged, prayed, and cared. I could keep going on with many more deeds of kindness and love, but needless to say, they totally fulfilled Galatians 5:10...

"So then, as occasion and opportunity open up to us, let us do good. Be mindful to be a blessing, especially to those of the household of faith."

God was so good to have placed us in that church, at that time, with so many blessed people!

After we moved down to FL, God did the same thing again, with a whole new set of people. We were so blessed, all the years of Steven's disability, and I am still blessed with a church family that cares so much. Thank you, Lord!

And, in both states, God brought us an unbelievable amount of help not only from our specific church family, but also from the whole "household of faith" - God's family of believers worldwide. "And you belong to God's own household." Eph. 2:19 (But that's a story for another blog). All of these works of love, wherever done, have been gifts from the Lord and have brought glory to God.

I'll close with Steven's journal entry from April 11, 1998 (4 1/2 years after the brain injury)...
Gal. 1:24 "And they gave glory to God because of me." (speaking of Paul proclaiming the very faith that he once tried to destroy)
Lord,
This verse is true, but it is also true that people give glory to You because of what YOU do inside them. I have learned that I myself do nothing. You do it ALL! I give you the praise and glory. And you do what you do because of LOVE.
In Jesus,
Amen

Note: I'll try to post weekly from now on. If you like, you can sign up with your e-mail (see right of blog page), so you are automatically sent an e-mail of each new blog instead of having to check for new posts.

Sorry I haven't posted. Life has been a bit of a blur of "must get done immediately" stuff with lots of decisions. My Bible reading this morning was about Abraham telling his servant that "He will send His angel before you" to find a wife for Isaac. (Gen. 24:7) Two things stood out: (1)the simple faith of Abraham, and (2)the fact that He sends His angel before me, also.

Speaking of Bible reading, I promised to start sharing some of Steven's....

Sept. 20, 2005
Eph. 6:11 "Put on the full armor of God."

Lord,
There is a battle raging. But Your armor is more than I need. All I must do is put it on - constantly - and never take it off.
In Jesus,
Amen

October 25, 2005
1 Timothy 6:6 "But godliness with contentment is great gain"

Lord,
So often I value something that is really nothing. You are everything. With You in my life and showing You to others - I am content.
In Jesus,
Amen

March 18, 2006
Mark 5:36 "Don't be afraid; just believe."

Lord,
This disease has brought fear into my life. But You have total control over everything - hence I have no fear.
In Jesus
Amen

Thank you to all who came last Saturday to celebrate with us Steven's life and homegoing. Thank you for your love and support and awesome comments, both on the blog and at the service. Your prayers are much appreciated. After the IL service, we will put some of the things from the celebration service on the blog.

This is my 1st day without anyone else here. And yes, to all who are asking, I am doing fine. I'm starting to sleep a little more (my body had to slowly get used to more than 4 hours), appetite is back, doing good. I'm enjoying the quiet and tackling a long list of "need to do asap". While figuring what to do about this and that and the next, Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind: "I know the plans I have for you..." It is so reassuring to know that God still has every step of my future planned out.

Around 33 years ago, God planned a week of downpours in Sarasota, FL so we couldn't spend our vacation time on the beach. Browsing through the Christian bookstore, I found "Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman" by Ann Ortlund. I took it back to the motel, read it while the rain continued to pour outside, and was thrilled to find that God was not only my Saviour (I had given my life to Him years before) but that He also wanted a personal relationship with me - a relationship that could be built by spending one-on-one time with Him in His Word.

After we returned home, spending time with my Bible, notebook, and pen became part of my middle-of-the-night routine (after I had fed the latest sweet addition to the Sauder family - John). As my relationship with the Lord grew, Steven noticed how the Lord was changing me, and he decided to start having a personal time with the Lord, also. His routine was a little different than mine. He would pray, read a short passage of Scripture (starting at the beginning of a specific book of the Bible and continuing on through that book), and then He would write a letter to God concerning that passage of Scripture. As he grew in understanding the Word of God and applying that Word to his life, he gradually became an even better husband, father, physician, and employer. He began to learn to know God and gained more insight into the desires of God's heart for Steven and our family.

My Bible reading yesterday included Genesis 18:19, where God speaks about Abraham, "...for I have known him, so that that he may teach and command his children and the sons of his home after him to keep the way of the Lord and to do what is just and righteous..."

After beginning to learn to know God himself, Steven wanted the same thing for his children. So...after each of our children committed his or her life to the Lord, Steven's next goal became to teach that child how to cultivate a personal relationship with the Lord. He would do that by teaching them, daily alone with each child, to hear what God was saying personally to them through his Word.

In the coming days and weeks and months, I would like to share some of Steven's own journal entries with you - his "letters to God" - so that you can see a bit of the journey God took Steven on, a journey that has now ended before the throne room, face to face with this awesome God of the ages.

Jenny, John, and I have spent the day reading through a trunk full of journals that Steven wrote through the years during his times alone with the Lord, both before and after the collision. It totally amazes me how God was preparing him for what was coming. And it so humbles me to see how spiritually deep his thoughts were even after the brain injury. I will be sharing some of those journal entries in the coming weeks.

Again, the first service will be this coming Saturday at Bethel Mennonite Church, off of Fruitville Rd. east of the interstate, at 2:00pm. If you are able, please come celebrate Steven's homegoing with us.

Some of you have been asking where to send memorials. If you so desire, memorials may be made to Engineering Ministries Int. on behalf of John Sauder, in order to bring the same hope that Steven knew to the people of East Africa. (See www.facebook.com/SaudersInAfrica) Checks may be made to EMI, with a note that it is for staff # 2053, and may be sent to 130 East Kiowa St., Colorado Springs, CO 80903.

Forty-four years ago, Steven and I were both attending the same college. He was tutoring me in chemistry, since most in my college class were starting with at least a couple more years of chemistry than I had. I was bubbling over with the wonder of being a fairly new Christian, and Steven was sick to death of me talking about Jesus. On the way over to meet me for a tutoring session, he decided it was the last time we were going to get together. This crazy chick could go her own way and take her preaching along with her.

God, however, had other ideas. Close to midnight that night, Steven found himself on a 3-hr drive home to tell his parents that he had chosen to put his faith in Jesus as the Christ, the Son of God, come to earth to live and die a cruel death in punishment for Steven's sin and to rise victorious over the grave and over Satan forever.

Thus began the journey of faith that culminated on May 9, 2011, at 1:45am, in actually seeing face to face this God Whom he had grown to know so well and love so deeply for so many years.

Part of my Bible reading a couple days ago was: "For whatever is born of God is victorious over the world; and this is the victory that conquers the world, even our faith." 1 John 5:4 Amplified Bible

Through these 17+ years since Steven's severe traumatic brain injury, this faith conquered the overwhelming darkness and filled him with a spirit of praise.

Celebration Services

Correction for 5/13 blog, concerning IL services

The second service will be on Saturday, July 9th, 10:00 am @ Eureka Bible Church, 1451 Church Rd., Eureka, IL. Go one mile north of town on Main Street and turn right on Church Rd.

Celebration Services

We have decided to set the date of celebration service for Steven for Saturday, May 21 at 2:00pm. (Waiting a week and a half will make it easier for our daughter and granddaughter currently in LA at the science competition.) Since our church, Grace Covenant, rents a facility that will be in use on Saturdays, Bethel Mennonite Church has graciously consented to allowing us to use their facilities off of Fruitville Rd. east of the interstate at 2985 Bethel Lane, Sarasota, FL. (I will give more specific directions later.) If you are able, please come! Dress is anything from very casual (jeans) to very dressy (suit and tie), so come however you feel comfortable. Bright clothes or black. Your presence is what matters.

We are also going to have an additional service in Illinois in July, since we have so many precious friends, relatives, former staff and patients, and business associates there. The IL service will be at our former church, Eureka Bible, in Eureka, IL. We should have that date finalized by tomorrow, and I will post that info online.

I have moments, naturally, of missing Steven terribly, but generally I am so very, very thankful that God has taken him home. This is what he has longed for and looked forward to for so many years. Heaven was very real to him while he was here, and now it IS absolute reality for him. HE IS SEEING GOD FACE TO FACE! Isn't that just totally awesome??

This morning around 1:45a.m., God called Steven Home.

Yesterday morning, when he was a somewhat responsive to me, I read him several Psalms, and then Isaiah 35 fell open. I cried all the while we read it together. Portions follow:

"...strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;
say to those with fearful hearts,
Be strong, do not fear, your God will come...
Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
Then will the lame leap like a deer,
and the mute tongue shout for joy...
And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness.
But only the redeemed will walk there,
and the ransomed of the Lord will return.
They will enter Zion with singing,
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away."

I will post again when we have arrangements made. Thank you so very much for your love and prayers through this journey. God is good.

Quick post to let you know the hospice nurse was here around 2:00pm today and said Steven's homegoing may be today, definitely not more than 72 hours. Steven is ready and excited to meet the Lord. Thank you for your continuing prayers. This is a tough time.

Questions

Steven slept 21 hours, divided up by 1 hour awake around midnight. After he awakened around noon today, Amy and I sang softly to him, showed him pictures of bygone years, read him the blog comments, and brought in friends and grandchildren for very short visits. He wasn't really responding, except for possibly blinking a couple times to indicate preferences when he first woke up. The lack of communication makes it extremely difficult to know his needs - is he hot, cold, thirsty, wanting to be turned, in pain, wanting us to shut up???? Too much light, not enough light, can he see, is he awake, is he in a coma????? This has to be a difficult, confusing, dark time for him - traveling those last few steps until he steps over the threshhold into eternity.

It is so comforting to remember that in the darkness of his coma almost 18 years ago, God was there, repeating over and over and over, "Steven, I love you. Steven, I love you." (See "Our Journey" on this blog) What is Steven seeing and hearing today???

"Eye has not seen nor ear heard what the Father has prepared for those who love Him."

Steven slept 13 continuous hours yesterday afternoon and night. It's now 11:00pm, and he's been sleeping since 2:00pm. Last night I counted 25 seconds between some of his breathing. I questioned going to bed myself at all, but then remembered that someone had commented that I did not need to be beside him constantly - God has his bed surrounded by angels to help him through this tough time. "Are not the angels all ministering spirits sent out in the service of those who are to inherit salvation?" Hebrews 1:14 Amplified Version

Closer Home

Yesterday and today Steven has taken some definite steps closer to Home. We think he has had another stroke. He's been in a Parkinson's "spell" much of today because he is no longer able to take meds by mouth. We increased the morphine, and now he is sleeping. Hopefully that increase will stop the spells. Since today will be the 2nd day without food or meds, we're possibly looking at around a week or so (only God truly knows) till his struggle is over.

It has been a long struggle for him (18 years this fall) since the brain injury. It's hard to realize that soon we will actually be at the end of his journey. Already, lots of little things have changed - like my grocery list (lots less fruit!), removing the wheelchair and lift from his room and replacing it with his orchids, and taking apart his bookholder that he used for his Bible, prayer list, and favorite books.

Our son John is going to leave Uganda tomorrow to come home for a couple weeks (www.facebook.com/SaudersinAfrica). Amy is here in Parrish, FL. Barb will be coming soon from IL. Jenny needs to fly with our oldest granddaughter Rachel to LA for Rachel to compete nationally with her science research, so Jen will be be coming after that. What a blessing children are!

Thank you all so very much for your prayers, comments, visits, and love. We'll keep updating.

We've pretty much determined that Steven has developed an allergy to heparin, which we've been using to flush the med line. I think that is what caused the massive swelling/sores last week, the extreme pain a few days ago, and the pain we again could not stop yesterday, even with continual morphine. So...we'll flush it with a saline solution instead, per doctor's ok.

We're trying (with Steven's ok) staying in bed and stopping the yogurt and meds (with the exception of morphine and dry-up drops). All of these measures will help with the secretions and choking, make him more comfortable, and lessen the suffering. Stopping the food completely will also hasten his body shutting down. Please pray for wisdom for both Steven and us in this his final journey. Thank you all so much for your prayers.

1 John 4:6 talks about learning to know God. The Amplified Version of the Bible explains learning to know God as...
progressively to perceive, recognize, and understand God

• by observation (study the Word to observe Who God is)


• and experience (life, suffering - feel the peace of His presence, listen to His voice, etc)

and to get an ever-clearer knowledge of Him...

• His majesty, power, love, goodness, and holiness


• His desires


• His plan for the ages

Unitalicized own additions

The suffering that our heavenly Father has allowed in our lives has been an enabler in learning to know, love, and trust Him. This last leg of the journey is no exception.

We are home with Steven. He's in pain (has been before we left the hospice house), especially his right hand, which is somewhat swollen. I talked to the hospice home nurse a bit ago, and we're all somewhat confused as to what is going on. Steven isn't communicating very well, so we're struggling to figure this out. Appreciate your prayers.

No pneumonia yet

Surprisingly, the doctor just said no pneumonia yet and possibility of going home tomorrow (with Hospice nurse visits)! He slept 13 hrs, temp is just low-grade, still lots of secretations. It certainly is an up and down situation. Thankfully God has it all under control. Thank you all so much for your continuing prayers and love.

Yesterday evening Steven was in alot of pain (chest, arms). 20mg of morphine per hr barely managed it, but after 3 doses, he finally went to sleep and slept all night with occasional choking. His breathing was a little different early this morn, but now he's sleeping peacefully. We'll see what the doctor says today.

Our Scripture reading yesterday was totally appropriate (naturally): Ps. 94:12, 13, 17-19, 22. "In the multitude of my [anxious] thoughts within me, your comforts cheer and delight my soul." vs 19.

My spiritual food this morning: 1 Jo 4:22-24
Watchfully obey His orders and [habitually] practise what is pleasing to Him
His orders...
(1)Believe in (put our faith and trust in, adhere to, rely on) the name of His Son Jesus Christ
(2)Love one another, just as He has commanded us
The result...
Receive from Him whatever we ask (because we will be asking what His will is)

Interesting. It's so simple - believe...love. Yet, I was thinking, obedience to these 2 commands wipes out a multitude of sins: worry, fear, lack of faith, emotional outbursts, unkind words, impatience, stealing, murder, and on and on. GOD IS SO WISE!

We can trust His wisdom for today.

Scripture quotes from Amplified Version

A new page

I added a new page to the blog that tells more about my parents' journey for the past 18 years.  It is taken from something they wrote about 5 years ago.  To view the page, click the tab at the top of this page titled "Our Journey".  Thank you so much for all your encouraging comments on this blog, and most of all, for praying.  Although this past week has been an emotional rollercoaster, we have felt the hand of God supporting us through this time. 

Challenges

Dr. was in and heard crackling in his lungs, so could indicate pneumonia starting up. He's eating more (6 yogurt, jello, and chocolate ice cream), but the increased eating definitely causes increased secretions - which he chokes on. Very unlikely that we will go home tomorrow.

We are so blessed to be in this place. It is peaceful, quiet, lovely. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Perfect Provision

Today my sister Sherry stayed with Steven for a few hours while I went to the Celebration Service of a precious little almost-ten year old (see especiallyheather.com). It was the first time I've left Steven since we came to the Hospice House Monday - actually the first time I've left for a long time. He's been feeling a little better and has increased his eating (4 of the little yogurts today!), but the eating has also increased his secretations again, causing more choking. He was choking pretty badly when I left, but Sherry booted me out and said she could take care of it. What a blessing God has given me in family!

His temp was down today to just a low-grade fever. At this point, each day is still really up and down, so doctors aren't giving any definite predictions yet.

II Tim. 1:7 was part of Steven and my Bible reading today and affirms that God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a calm mind. Back in the spring of 1994, Steven had come out of the coma enough for us to find a temporary apartment and enroll him in an outpatient facility. Everything about life with a severe traumatic brain injury was traumatic and scary. I remember writing II Tim. 1:7 in big letters on a long roll of paper and stretching it all across our bedroom wall so we would see it first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. (One of the major ways we made it minute by minute, day by day, was by living and breathing Scripture - keeping it in front of us constantly, memorizing it, saying it, reading it.) Today, that same Scripture is just as relevant, just as comforting, and just as true.

• Any fear in this situation is absolutely not from God;


• we have all the power we need to combat every emotion, thought, temptation or whatever that Satan might throw at us;


• if we allow it, His love can pour out through us to those around us;


• He will calm our spirit and give us the discipline and self-control to make it through victoriously to the end

His provisions are perfect.

Thank you for praying

Steven slept for around 10 hours last night but was running a temp of 101.8 this morn. He also has some kind of pretty bad allergic reaction to something. They've given him benedryl through the med line. He's choking again. Appreciate all your prayers for wisdom, etc. Love to you all.

A sacred appointment

Today Steven actually rallied somewhat, able to eat more and choking less. Additional medications and tecniques have helped tremendously. There is a possibility that if he continues thus, we may actually be taking him home after the weekend. Even though we are told it is very doubtful that his earthly body would be able to last more than a few weeks (at most), God alone knows our times and seasons. It brings such peace to know beyond a doubt that we can completely trust God and his purposes in all of this.

I am amazed at the privilege of being here in the hospice house with awesome staff that totally surpass all of our highest expectations. The setting is beautiful. We look out on a pond with blooming cattails and all kinds of wildlife. We are so blessed to live in a country with these kinds of options!

Part of my Bible reading from today is 1 John 2:20. "...But you have been annointed and hold a sacred appointment from the Holy One, and you know the Truth..." (Amplified Bible, slightly rephrased) Steven has a sacred appointment to be here, in this place, at this time, to allow God to use him in whatever way He wills. We'll just take it minute by minute as He leads.

Thank you all so much for all your prayers, comments, visits, and love.

His grace is sufficient

Steven is finally sleeping very peacefully. They put in a med line for when he can no longer take his meds by mouth. Last night and this morning were difficult, but then he rallied and demanded food, and even threatened to tell people I was being cruel by not giving him more yogurt right away. :) We are still giving him a spoonful or two of yogurt when he asks, but anything by mouth makes his secretions and choking much worse. For a while now, everything in his body has been shutting down, including his muscles for swallowing and digesting food. We're just taking it a day at a time at this point, but we're not expecting to be able to go home. This is a wonderful place, and we feel incredibly blessed with the staff here. We are well taken care of.

We so very much appreciate all of your prayers. He is anxious to go Home to Jesus. The process is difficult, but His grace is sufficient.

Knowing that hospice was a real possiblity on Monday, we made it a point to celebrate Easter with Mom and Dad on Sunday afternoon. The kids had a great time showing him all the eggs they collected, and Dad enjoyed the opportunity to be outside watching them. What a blessing to have this memory.

Move to hospice

Dad has been moved to the hospice house in Ellenton to stabilize his breathing and choking.  Mom is staying in the room with him.   Although yesterday he actually was a little hungry, and was interested in watching the news, he is not doing so well today.  Due to a large amount of secretions that are making him choke, it looks like it may be better for him to rest on his left side in bed and not get up.  We will be discussing the option of giving him morphine by IV today to help with his breathing and comfort.  He stayed resting all night except for a few choking episodes and is very lethargic this morning.  Please pray for wisdom as decisions are made about his care, and for peace and strength for Mom and Dad.  Feel free to leave comments at this blog, as they have internet access and will be able to read what is posted.

At times like this, heaven seems so close, like Dad is standing at the gate, waiting for the call to come home.  We don't know exactly how long this waiting for the "not-yet" will last (the doctors yesterday said it could be a few weeks or even a month or so), but we are confident in the One who will carry him through this time.  

From Max Lucado's "Heaven:  God's Highest Hope":

"We aren’t home yet.

We are orphans at the gate of the orphanage, awaiting our new parents. They aren’t here yet, but we know they are coming. They wrote us a letter. We haven’t seen them yet, but we know what they look like. They sent us a picture. And we’re not acquainted with our new house yet, but we have a hunch about it. It’s grand. They sent a description.

And so what do we do? Here, at the gate where the now-already meets the path of the not-yet, what do we do?

We groan. We long for the call to come home. But until he calls, we wait. We stand on the porch of the orphanage and wait. And how do we wait? With patient eagerness.

“We are hoping for something we do not have yet, and we are waiting for it patiently (Romams 8:25, emphasis mine).

“We wait eagerly for our adoption as sons” (Romans 8:23 NIV, emphasis mine). Patient eagerness. Not so eager as to lose our patience, and not so patient as to lose our eagerness.

“No one has ever imagined what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor. 2:9).  What a breathtaking verse! Do you see what it says? Heaven is beyond our imagination. We cannot envision it. At our most creative moment, at our deepest thought, at our highest level, we still cannot fathom eternity."